You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
