areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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