Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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