I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
