There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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