I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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