I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
