Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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