"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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