It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
