Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
