so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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