Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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