Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
