But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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