I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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