Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
