Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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