i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
