I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
