I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
