when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
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Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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