Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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