EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
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