I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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