I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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