I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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