Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
