he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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