i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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