I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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