dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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