I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
