You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
two words: eviction party
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Randomize
