Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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