yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is wine microwaveable?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
