Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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