some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
