I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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