she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
