this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
