Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
