I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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