So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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