I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it's like iHOP with fire
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
