if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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