I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
