dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
