clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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