i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
