God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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