when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
