im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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