I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
