Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
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He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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