i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I would fuck him just for his dog
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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