We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
