See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
