Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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