Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
