all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
