How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
