Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.