Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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