All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
