just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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