Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
