She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
